Q&A, Trump Edition

There’s only a little under two months until Donald J. Trump is inaugurated as the 45th president of the United States, and after an election that saw him take the electoral college but lose the popular vote, many are concerned about the results of a Trump presidency.

With this in mind, we here at the Index (all one of us) would like to assuage some fears in the form of a simple Q&A.

Q: How will Donald Trump work to improve the national Republican image among younger voters?

A: Thanks to Trump, George W. Bush’s approval rating is the highest it’s been in 8 years.

Q: With foreign conflicts a possibility, has Trump shared any details on how he will resolve these?

A: Donald Trump has not yet shared any details about how he will escalate conflicts overseas.

Q: What does this mean for the countries in the United Nations and NATO?

A: Sweet Mother Teresa, we can’t be worrying about them now.

Q: With several environmental protection agencies warning the president-elect that they will fight to keep our regulations in place, how will this affect Trump’s climate policies?

A: Sorry, which climate policies?

Q: Will he take away my guns?

A: You just ask that about everyone, don’t you.

Q: What will Trump’s policies mean for freedom of the press?

A: All journalists will retain their right to a fair trial.

Q: What will Trump’s policies mean for reproductive rights?

A: Trump’s running mate is devoted to ensuring a woman’s right to choose between vaginal delivery and cesarean.

Q: How will all this affect minorities who feel Trump has increased dangerous rhetoric from extremist groups?

A: The voters have established that it’s all in their heads.

Q: Can we have Obama back?

A: No.

Q: Is Trump surrounding himself with the best people?

A: Recent polls show that Newt Gingrich, Roger Ailes, Sarah Palin, Chris Christie, Rudy Giuliani, and Sean Hannity’s restless ghost all confirmed themselves as “best people”.

Q: What are Trump’s views on science?

A: On the plus side, he wants to make NASA big league again. On the other side, he thinks vaccines cause autism. We at the Index believe this to more or less even out.

Q: Are you okay?

A: Could be better, thanks for asking.

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